I wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you spend the day surrounded by loved ones and good food. Enjoy yourself and count your blessings. We are all so blessed!
I am thankful for my family and friends, who show their kindness through unconditional love and support. With them, I feel I can do just about anything. I am thankful that God has given me so many opportunities to use my gifts. I am thankful for the peace I feel in my home, in my marriage and overall. I am hopeful that this world will take this season to heart, finding ways to express love around the world. Sometimes we take for granted all we have, and Thanksgiving is a great time to stop and count each blessing. Once the list begins, you will be amazed at all you are blessed by.
With love,
Aurae

Someone I know had posted her goals for the year on her website, in order be more accountable. I told her I wanted to do the same. It’s been a few months now but I finally found the time and commitment to get mine down. I will update these in a few months.
So, here they are, in no exact order:

Lose weight
This will boost my self-confidence and make me feel like I have more willpower to shape my future. This is something I’ve wanted to do for awhile. It’s also something I have tried to do but been unsuccessful at for a few years now. I seem to try a new approach and give up too soon. Then I gain more weight. The times when I actually try, I tend to at least stay at the same weight. This is also a goal I get very defensive about and turn to denial.
So, my specific goal would be to lose 10 pounds by Christmas. That doesn’t seem too hard and if I lose more, then all the better. My next goal would be to lose 20 more pounds by May and then another 10 before our family reunion at the end of July.

Succeed with my graduate studies
This would include staying caught up with my classes and being able to finish all the readings. I want to get the most out of my classes that I can. Writing out a list of things to complete for the week seems to help with this overwhelming task of staying on track.

Implement Leadership Development Plan
As part of the assignment, I will need to implement my plan by Feb. 2009. I have already begun doing this. This goal includes increasing networking and becoming a better speaker. I am looking into joining a Toastmasters group to learn how to be a better public speaker. As for increasing networking, I guess I can just introduce myself to more people at work and try to get my CEOs involved in my studies.

Figure out what I want to do with my career
This could be a long term project. But for now, I just want to narrow down my areas of interest, with help from my professors.

Continue writing travel articles
I want to continue as the Feature Writer for NW US/ Alaska travel. This means that until December, I will have to focus my attention to writing at least 1 article per week. After my classes end in December, I will be able to write more often and write drafts to save for my next term of study.

Updating my websites
One thing I haven't done well lately, is keeping my websites up-to-date, whether this one or NWTravelOnline or AdventureSisters.net. I know this takes times but it could be worth it. I am working on getting this website updated to include a front page, rather than just going straight to my blog entries. This will take the cooperation of my husband to use his skills and the time to do it.

Strengthen marriage and other relationships
We joined a small group at church and are doing a marriage study. I want to continue this and continue to be involved at church. I think this is one area that will strengthen our marriage. Also, it is important to talk with other couples who have been married longer – like a marriage mentor. We can continue our reading on our own.

I want to continue keeping my family in touch with each other, whether through letters, e-mails or my website. I would like to develop a new version of the Radiant Times but I know my time is limited. I would like to brain-storm new ideas on how to do this. One possibility is to start a circle letter like my husband’s family does, or an online version.

Organize office and rooms
This is an ongoing project and frustration. I haven’t unpacked everything from when I moved in last year! I need to go through all my boxes and make sure I want to keep everything.

Get yard ready for winter and then spring
Weeding, weeding and more weeding. I want to plant some garlic after I take out the tomato plants. I would also like to build another raised garden if possible. We are trying to complete a woodshed right now.

Be happy at work
This is a tough one for me. I need to learn that the work I do is important and worthwhile. I will ask for help from my supervisor with this one. This is an ongoing problem for me. One challenge for me is being open with my boss, and being able to express myself verbally instead of writing a letter. This one will work better if I better my public speaking skills.

Find a volunteer project
I’ve been looking for a volunteer project for a long time. I don’t have much extra time but I want to be able to do something, even if just a small task. So, I will continue to look for volunteer opportunities. I might try asking around at church.

Work on debt
This is another ongoing project. I brought a lot of debt to my marriage from before. We are working on this. I think we're doing a pretty good job. My student loans for graduate school have added to this but actually using some of this money to pay the higher interest rate debts might be a good idea, since these loans have lower interest rates. We'll see how this works. I am still looking for more scholarships for next year.

It's really frustrating having the desire to want to workout or take a walk and not being able to. Since my ATV incident this weekend, I have been healing but unable to walk very far. Last night, I tried to lay down on the floor, so I could stretch out. Bad idea. I felt a sharp pain in my side, and could not lay flat. My right side rib area had hurt just after my accident, and still hurts if I try to bend down. Well, now it hurts if I move at all. It isn't very painful but still noticeable.

It's frustrating because I've been watching the Olympics every evening. Watching the swimmers makes me want to go swimming. I have a membership to the local pool but I haven't used it lately. Now, I know I won't be able to use it for awhile. I could just imagine reaching out to swimming and having that pain in my side.

Walking is getting easier but I still can't go very far. Plus, I don't want to over do it. After my accident, we went to the dunes and hiked around. I know that made my foot hurt worse. By the time we got back to the truck, my foot was in constant pain. It doesn't hurt now unless I turn it funny. Maybe by this weekend, I will be able to walk the dog around the block.

It's just not fair because I have the desire to get moving right now and start losing weight, but I can't.

I was so busy just last month, with writing projects, article ideas, prospects of completing my Masters, and much more. That is, until my life was put on pause with the death of my father-in-law. I managed to complete my graduate application by the deadline, hoping my essay made sense with my limited focus. I was also able to publish just a few articles before I left for the memorial service. I hope those are error-free also, as my mind was only half there.

I'm having trouble focusing or doing something for long periods of time. Like for example, this morning, I made the choice to skip the Sunday church service because I knew I wouldn't be able to focus or keep up with the sermon. I didn't think it was fair to the minister, God or anyone sitting near me, to sit fidgeting in church, unable to follow along. Is this normal?

I had so much momentum just last month. Now, I sit here this evening, with a blank stare. What do I do? It's also hard to be alone, waiting for my husband to return home after several weeks of being away. I'm glad he was able to help his mom and sister but I've sure missed him.

Yet, it's not like my state is constant. I do have periods of joy, delighting in getting to know my relatives better. I enjoy their stories, jokes and authenticity. What a wonderful family I have! What a wonderful God we have too!

Instead of going to church this morning, my husband, my mom and I went to the beach, taking in God's awesome creation, basking in the sunshine. Sometimes a breath of fresh air or enjoying God's glorious creation is all it takes to feel alive and worthy.

Now, it's like someone has released the pause button but it's on slow motion. We're moving forward, I think, but oh so slowly.

The memorial service for Will Beidler will be held Saturday, July 5th at 3 p.m. with light supper to follow. The Community Baptist Church is located at 4590 Hwy. 101 in Florence---just across from Fred Meyer. We understand if you are unable to attend, and sincerely appreciate your thoughts and prayers. We are looking forward to this celebration of Will's life.

To help offset Will's medical expenses in lieu of flowers or gifts a donation site has been set up at US Bank.

If you call or go to any nationwide US Bank and ask to donate to this account, you will need to specify:

Willard Beidler Donation Account
Please do not feel obligated to donate.

My father-in-law passed away Saturday evening. Until three weeks ago, I knew him as a healthy 61-year-old runner and outdoorsman. But I’ve learned that aggressive pancreatic cancer can take down even the healthiest of persons. We had no idea that within several weeks of being diagnosed, he would be gone. We were all ready to fight the cancer battle.

We are still in a state of shock, not even able to find the right words to express the situation. I guess we should be glad we had the couple of weeks to spend with him in the hospital. We were able to laugh and cry together. I guess we should be glad we were able to say goodbye. We are thankful for these things.

It all still feels like a bad dream. Sometimes I think Will is on vacation or just gone for a little while. I guess when I think of it that is true. It won’t be long until we are all united again.

We were talking with the chaplain at the Peace Harbor Hospital after Will’s last surgery, and Sue asked, how do people without faith cope with these situations? How do you deal with it, when you think this is it? We all thought it must be so much more difficult thinking this is the ultimate end.

We attended church yesterday, rejoicing that Will has gone home. At first I felt strange thinking we are all smiling and in a good mood, even though Will has just passed away. But then it passed and I was so thankful for my faith in God.

I’m sure the memorial service on Saturday will be a glorious presentation of Will’s life. He is a true example of how a person should lead their life: a faithful husband, trusting father, true friend, missionary, and disciple. As my mother said, he is on loan to us from God. I’m sure he and God are rejoicing now and for eternity. As Sue says, our tears are just for us. We are singing halleluiah! for Will.

I am glad I got to know Will, even if only for three short years. He was so open and inviting, with loving hugs. He taught me things I didn’t learn as a child, like how to fish. I will always remember being on the open ocean with him and Jeff. I’m sure that right now he is fishing on the open ocean in Heaven. His smile and laugh is embedded in my mind, bringing a smile to my face just imagining it.

I take comfort knowing that Jeff will be a wonderful husband and father because his dad was such a good example. I have no doubt or worry for our future.

I'm headed to the Oregon Coast again today, to visit my family and spend time with my father-in-law. I have a good attitude today, better coping with the issues at hand. I'm calm in that I have trust in God that things will work out.

I watched "The Bucket List" last night, thinking I would end up crying because it deals with issues my family is facing now but I didn't cry. It was light-hearted mostly, with a good lesson at the end.

Well, off to the coast! Perhaps I will be able to try out the new camera while taking a break from the hospital. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. The Bible gives us some wonderful verses for coping and having continued faith.

I am ready for the weekend and the sun! During the week, I work in an office, where the windows have been boarded up because of construction hazard. They are building a new hospital tower just outside our windows. It gets really depressing when you can't look out the windows, especially when I want to know what the weather is doing.

On a personal note, my family heard some bad news this week, as someone in the family was diagnosed with cancer. It was a tough thing to hear, especially since he is so healthy, fit and active. I hope that it turns out to be something he can just kick without expending too much effort. With his will, I am sure he will beat it. Also, with all the family praying, God is on our side.

When I heard the news, or rather overheard the news, it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I sat there motionless and numb. Then, when I actually was told the news, it took me a day to process it and realize what it meant. It's going to be tough for awhile but I think our family can deal with it. Unexpected news is something we can never prepare for or know how to react to. You just have to go with the flow until the mind has time to process it, at least that's how I deal with it.

So, it's time to have a good weekend. I'm glad the sun will be out. The sun just makes it better, if even by a tiny amount.

It's been a slow day today for me. I had trouble waking up this morning, as I was deep in sleep and the bed was warm and cozy. It would be so much easier to wake up when it's warm and sunny! It's hard to crawl out of bed, in the cold, dark.

I'm still struggling with problems at my day job, but being productive at writing has helped. It also helps to have a supportive family. It's nice to feel loved, and know that I am valued. I wish everyone could experience the love and support of family. I just don't understand how some families or family members can't be supportive or loving. Isn't it called unconditional love?

That reminds me of the sermon at church on Sunday, as our pastor spoke of the most important commandment of all: to love. It's our duty to love one another. There's nothing more important. All of our problems can be solved with love. If we truly love God and one another, there is no need for any other commandments. There would be no murder, no greed, no jealousy, no adultery, none of that!

This reminds me of the Beatles song because all we need is love!

I wasn't sure if I should share my thoughts and feelings today but maybe it will help me get over them. I feel discouraged today, like all the dreams and goals I have just seem too far away or take too much effort on my part. I want to be a successful writer, and I want to be successful in my healthcare field. I want to be a lot of things.

Sometimes it feels like I have so many dreams and aspirations that I get overwhelmed. It's kind of like that image of a juggler. I have all these balls representing ideas and goals in the air, but in order to keep them up and in motion, I have to work at it. Sometimes it feels like all the balls just fall down, like today. Sometimes there are obstacles in my way or elements trying to knock the balls down. I feel like I've run into all the obstacles today.

It will take some extra effort to put them back in motion. But I know in order to be happy and make sense out of life, I will put them back into the air. I just have to nudge myself into action.