My Adventures in Writing

Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of the passing of my father-in-law. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday, when we were all gathered in that hospital room watching him fade away but other times it feels like a distant memory. Sometimes it feels like he’s gone on a long vacation yet to return. But we know his fate and know he’s really physically gone. Yet, his legacy live on - he left us an example of how a human being should live - humbly, caring for others more than himself, helping above and beyond, faithful in everything he did, content and thankful for everything he had and enjoying the wonderful life God had given him.

I was reminded of his absence from several messages I received yesterday expressing words of comfort for our loss. I say our loss but I don’t always feel it’s right to say I’m a part of “our” when I only knew him for 3 years. But it is my loss because a part of my husband died 2 short years ago.

I don’t know what to say to my family so I say nothing. I just don’t think there are words to express my feelings or make them feel better. I wish someone would give me the perfect book on how to make someone feel better who is missing a loved one who has passed away. What do I say? How do I act? I don’t want to ignore their feelings or act like it’s nothing. I know they are feeling something very deep, very personal and very sad. It’s something I know little about and it scares me.

Other than my father-in-law, the closest person to me that I have experienced passing away was my grandmother but I was 13. I remember crying and singing “Amazing Grace” at her memorial, and then driving to Newport to spread her ashes in the ocean. I remember missing her and how sad my mom was. But I don’t think I miss her everyday like I know my husband misses his father. That’s what scares me; the thought of my heart breaking and aching if someone close to me should die. I can’t imagine my life without my mom - who would I talk to when I was upset or needed advice? What if my sister died - who would I do silly things with and laugh about childhood memories with? I don’t even want to talk about losing my husband…

Life is so precious. Relationships are treasures. I hope and pray that when we get to heaven those relationships we’ve made here are something we can continue for eternity.

Time has begun to fly by more quickly. Nice, warm spring weather tends to make that happen for some reason. Why can’t the cold, rainy winters go that fast? It’s hard to believe this is my second to last weekend spent in Portland. I just started my last MHA class with this weekend and one in June left. After that, I have my presentation weekend in July and then graduation in August. Wow! I’m almost done. Almost done and already looking to the next thing that is. I tend to what my ducks in a row or however that goes about the future. I’m a planner. I know there is a larger plan for me out there but I can’t help but want to help plan out my life. Maybe it will align with what God has in store for me and I’m sure hopeful of it. I know that God has even bigger things in store if I’m just patient.

So, all my hard work is about to pay off and it feels good. My load is lighter and I can begin to think of others things to fill my time, like all of those projects on the backburner - what did I tell you, I’m a planner.

So, I’m back to my normal routine of driving to the Portland area for my graduate school classes. The drive from Salem to Hillsboro isn’t too bad most days, except that I think A LOT of people leave work early on Friday. Why is that really? To get a jump on the weekend? Why don’t we leave early on Monday? Or better yet, get to work an hour or two later on Monday? Maybe I should start a new trend.
But anyway, my drives have become routine again after a very long break from classes this past fall and winter. I got rather used to spending my free time at home and to be honest, some of it was spent being just plain lazy. The other time, I spent ripping out 40 year old flooring (some of it looked that old anyway) and putting in new laminate wood flooring and vinyl tile. It was a project and at times, more difficult than actual school work. But it was time well spent with my husband.
Getting back to my routine drive, I’ve found a new route, or rather am revisiting an old route. I now drive through Newberg, up over a steep hill, winding up and over it and then down to Hillsboro. It’s very windy and slow but then the other route requires slowing to an almost complete stop when traveling through three small towns. It’s a toss up but makes more sense lately to drive the revisited route.
Today as I climbed the steep, windy hill, I admired the view of the valley below. Sometimes I take for granted or actually feel punished to have to drive so far. But in reality, if I stop to take in what I am traveling through, it’s worth it.
Springtime is especially eye-catching, as I pass lambs, calves, daffodils, and flowering trees everywhere. Not having to keep the windshield wipers on constantly is a blessing.
Today I realized how beautiful the area is when I turned a corner to find a towering, white Mt. Hood in front of me. Portlanders really are lucky to have such a magnificent mountain right out their backdoor, not to mention Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Adams (I think). Those mountains are amazing! If I am lucky I can catch a glimpse of Mt. Jefferson on my morning commute to Salem but not always. Mt. Jefferson is so much further away it seem. Right here in Portland, Mt. Hood is practically starring you in the face. It’s amazing I must say.

Well, this is my first post for 2010, and it’s already February 3rd! Time flies. I was just thinking on my way home today that I sure am busy. I am gearing up for Spring term at Pacific University. It’s tough since I’ve been out of school since October. I was able to transfer some credit and opt out of a class and then we had a nice break during December and January. But once I start back up it just means that I am closer to finishing. I just have five more classes left and finishing my capstone project. I’m getting there.

My job keeps me busy. I have a few projects that are my responsibility and they tend to drain my time. This is one of the only jobs I’ve had where I really enjoy working. To me researching and investigating laws and regulations is fun, not work. It does take a certain personality and I have it. I love to coordinate projects too.

So, here’s to a busy 2010! I told my husband that if he can endure me for six more months of stress that things will be okay after that. I’ll post again in August. Just joking.

Today, unexpectedly, I came into Salem to find a winter wonderland. The drive in was foggy, as usual but no real precipitation. As I drove over the bridge into Salem, a fine white powder began to fall from the sky. The ground was tinted a slight white. It was a wonderful sight.
To my enjoyment, the snow continued to fall throughout the day. It’s amazing how uplifting the first snowfall of the year can be, especially in a place where there isn’t much snow expected at all. Snow to us is a treat. My coworkers and I took a jaunt outside to see the snowflakes fall. We ventured out into it and stuck out our tongues in joy to catch the falling snow. We jumped around like children, enjoying the sight of winter. We hoped it would continue and blanket the land with as much snow as would fall! It was a joyous occasion!

I visited the book sale at work today,  like I do each year. I love books so it’s hard not to go look. I usually come away with a purchase. One year I bought books for my loved ones for Christmas. But this year I bought a book for myself. Yet my intentions are to create something to share with my family.

The book I purchased is family photo archive project book. It included a CD
for working with photos and creating an electronic version of a scrapbook or family tree. The book gives ideas on how to locate family history and records.

So, this will be my new project when I have time. I’ve always wanted to go back and scan in old family photos and research the people in the images. One of my relatives recently scanned in some old photos of my grandfather and great-grandfather. It was so amazing to me to see the resemblance to my family members. I wanted to know all about those people. I don’t want family history to be forgotten. I am amazed at the traditions and family history of many other cultures, like the oral history of the Native Americans. Their culture is so rich. It must be so wonderful to know where your family came from and the stories of each family member.

So my goal is to do what I can to capture the family history and stories I know. I may not be able to go back as far as I want but I can start with my life. If I am able to capture my memories of childhood and what I experience it will be a start. I would to do more but we will see.

Right now, I’m sitting in the living room with my mini laptop on my lap, visiting with friends on Facebook. On our projector TV we have it set to play a slideshow of all our photos. Thousands of photos are set to play randomly. I am mesmerized by the images, bringing back all kinds of memories. Warm thoughts of Cancun, fun times in Colorado, memories of our wedding, pictures of the flower around the yard, coastal scenes, family photos and so many more. I find myself feeling so blessed tonight, with all that God has given me. Each photos echos a prayer of thanks and awe for life. I travel back in time to the emotions of each glimpse in time. Our lives are so amazing, in all we see and do. Thank you God.

On Saturday, I got the nerve up to attend my first Zumba class. I first heard about Zumba from my cousin’s wife while on vacation in Cancun. Out on the dance floor, she was amazing, with perfect rhythm and moves. Everyone’s eyes were on her and some of us even looked to her for the right moves and steps. She later told us she teaches a Zumba class back home. Zumba is a dance-aerobics class that uses Latin and African dance with up-beat music, even adding hip hop moves. After seeing her dance moves and how happy she looked while dancing I thought I’d like to learn some new dance moves.

So, a few weeks ago my husband and I decided to look into joining a health club. I found that one of the local clubs had classes, Zumba included. I was sold, not to mention the amazing gym and swimming pools.

So, I knew I wanted to take the Zumba class but wasn’t sure when I would initially go. I told my sister about Zumba. She went out and found a class, attending right away. She had so much fun that she attended the next day too. She said I had to go.

So, Saturday morning I woke up, had a small cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, and headed to the gym. The class I wanted to attend was “Intro to Zumba.” There were about 6-7 other people there. Our instructor turned on the up-beat music and began to show us th various dances included in Zumba. We did salsa, hip hop and several African-flavored dances, which I can’t remember the name of now. It was a lot of fun - so much fun that I decided to stay for the complete Zumba class starting just after the intro class ended.

The dance class is such a good workout. I found myself out of breath several times. But when the song ends, we had a chance to catch our breath and get a drink of water. It was just enough break, making the class more interval training than straight aerobics. It was very challenging and not repetitive or boring at all. Each song used a different dance or routine.

It was a lot of fun too. Dancing is a feel-good activity. It helps that I was surrounded by smiling people who were acting just as goofy as me. It was a great day. I can’t wait to go back.

Yesterday I had a kind of bittersweet moment. I sent my editor at Suite101.com a message saying that right now, I am not able to keep up with the requirements of a Feature Writer position. It took a lot for me to come to this realization. I’m the kind of person who likes to do it all, even if in reality, I’m not able to. I will take anything on. But then that leads to stress and then eventually, some projects get left in the dust and not completed. I take pleasure in completing projects so this is not good for me to have unfinished business. It eats away at me.

Getting back to my Feature Writer position, I have not wanted to let go of my title as NW U.S./Alaska Travel Feature Writer for the longest time, although I have known I can’t keep up. So, I sent my editor a message saying I need a 6-month break if that’s possible. I told her that if she had someone else in mind that perhaps they should be the new Feature Writer. I will still be able to contribute to Suite101.com but with less responsibility. It makes me sad to think I have to give this up.

Yet, it makes me proud that I was able to give something up. I am a busy person. I’m working full-time, at a new position with more responsibility that ever. I am a full-time graduate student with a large “thesis” project to complete this year. I’m a wife and a home-owner. And the list goes on and on. Something had to give.

I love to write and this doesn’t mean I’m not going to be able to write. It just means that there’s less stress when it comes to meeting deadlines. It’s a tough thing for me when writing becomes more of a responsibility and less of something I love to just do. Perhaps this will give me more license to write about other areas and not just NW travel. I’ve enjoyed writing the two articles for Brass magazine on health care and finance. Perhaps I will look to writing more articles on health care.

This is a great time of transition for me. I’ve finally found a job that I truly enjoy and that fits my personality and character. I want to give it all I can. So, giving up my free-lance writing position is one thing that has to go for now. I’m going to move towards my goals in my healthcare career right now. I have the whole rest of my life to be a writer!

Yesterday I attended a wonderful wedding, a public declaration of love. But it wasn’t just the couple in love that touched me, it was the love of the families supporting the couple. Everyone pulled together to make it work.

I never realized how much work a wedding takes. Of course my own was a lot of work but to see a wedding from behind the scenes was eye-opening. Everyone pitched in without an excuse, working together to pull it off. I was more than willing to offer my help, because I had been so thankful for everyone that helped at my wedding. It was great to see a need and fill it or to have a solution for someone needing a decision made.

The love shown between the bride and her parents was so authentic. As she danced with her father, I watched the expression of their love. The wedding party gave sincere toasts to the bride and groom, their friends. It was so touching to see real expressions of love, especially with today’s troubles. It was refreshing to see such a loving family.