My Adventures in Writing

I’m not sure why I’m writing this because even if I sent it to you, you would never understand it. You live in a different world and there’s no way to really talk to you. You really hurt me today, as well as a lot of other days. You’ve really hurt my friend too. But you’ll never know it because no one really stands up to your cruelty. Besides, when they do, it always backfires and they end up paying the penalty. It’s not fair in so many ways. It’s most unsettling because you don’t know what you do. You don’t hear the contradictions you throw out like candy. You don’t see the crazy, illogical, wacky plans you lay out. You don’t see how it hurts all of us. You just think we’re childish and foolish.

It’s not fair because we mean no harm. We’re trying to change things for the better. But you just see us as meaningless weeds in your way. Your pity and patronizing ways are so fake. I wish you could deal with whatever happened to you to make you so manipulative and untrusting instead of taking it out on us. Don’t you know the lasting impression you are leaving on us?

The part that hurts the most is that we can do nothing to change it. We are powerless and stuck. My empowered mind hits you like a car hitting a wall. Nothing gets through.

You tear me down without even being in the room. You make me feel rage and depression that a follower of Christ should not! But because we are powerless, gossip and despising you is all we feel we can do. It’s worthless and a waste of energy. But the hurt runs so deep it’s so hard not to feel those thoughts.

But you’re not like this all the time. You feed us lines to keep us under your power, just enough to keep us here. It’s just enough to make us forget all that’s happened, and actually be content with the current status. But it doesn’t last long. It’s those days that make the skies turn dark, and you come in like a whirlwind ready to destroy all that threatens your power. Or wait, maybe it’s more like a vampire and you thrive on sucking the livelihood right out of us. Maybe that’s too harsh. But I do feel very drained right now.

I don’t know what to do. You make me not want to dream anymore because each goal, each little dream gets stepped on by you. Each plan gets dissected and ripped a part.

What do you want from me? Do you really just want me to “behave” and do only what you ask? Do you just want a subservient slave? or just to break my will? What’s wrong with someone who has goals, who’s motivated for the future and who wants to do a good job? I just don’t understand.
It just makes me so tired.

Oh, it sure is spring here in Oregon! The weather is as crazy as ever - with sun, clouds, rain shower and hail, all in one day. This weekend I managed to get my garden in shape and even get the seeds planted. It took some work but I did it. The dark, rich soil is now ready to produce a bountiful harvest again. I have corn, peas, onions, garlic, broccoli, cabbage and carrot seeds in the ground. This is not to mention all the seeds I have started in my little greenhouse. I am ready!

Last night I watched the movie “Changeling” after someone told me it was a good movie. I found it intriguing but also disturbing. After watching the involved drama, wanting to know more about this true story, I went online to get more information.

“Changeling” portrays the story of a mother looking for her lost son. After the LAPD makes a huge mistake, she is on her own to prove them wrong and find her son. She undergoes harsh criticism and unfair punishment. The plot follows her true story and that of the 1928 Wineville Chicken Coup Murders of at least 20 young boys.

This gruesome story is true. I read a blog about how it’s interesting that such horror occurred prior to violence on tv or in video games. It made me wonder if this violence occurred in the 20’s then does the violence on tv really have a greater effect on people? It also made me wonder how such evil, crazy people can kill without a conscience and it made me wonder why.

I thought the movie did a great job of presenting the story, with good acting and great cinematography. I was impressed that the movie was directed by Clint Eastwood. Angelina Jolie played a great part as did John Malkovich. But, I did find some of the scenes very gruesome and unnecessary. I guess that’s what you get nowadays with Rated R movies. It was rated R for “some violent and disturbing content, and language.” Yet, after reading a blog post about the movie, I now see how these scenes were needed to portray the story accurately.

I guess I’m just sensitive to violence. I wish every movie was like a Disney movie. I just don’t understand why bad stuff has to be included in movies. Just because it sells? It doesn’t sell me. This movie was actually not as bad as most Rated R movies lately. I am even offended by some PG 13 movies lately.