My Adventures in Writing

I really enjoy my drive to work. How many other commuters can say that? I get the pleasure of driving country back-roads on my journey to work. There is hardly ever any traffic. Yes, it may take me 45 minutes to an hour in travel time but it is well spent enjoying the sights and scenes around me.

This morning was especially beautiful. The bright morning sun made everything cheery. The waterdroplets glistened in the sunshine, and made the plants look so refreshed. It was beautiful.

I also get the pleasure of watching the seasons go by. I’ve only commuted for a couple of months so my feelings for this might change as autumn and winter arrive. However, I do enjoy watching the crops grow. It’s amazing how fast some of them transform from tiny seedlings to fields of corn or wheat or strawberries. I am amazed at the variety of food that is grown. It is so beautiful and makes me proud of Oregon. Keep Oregon Green, I say!

What is wrong with me? I seem to be in this funk that I just can’t get out of. All week now I have just felt like a different person. I can’t seem to figure out what it is or why it started. I should be really happy because I am splint free. And I was on Monday. I was in a great mood but then Monday night a big, gray cloud came over top of me and hasn’t left.

On Sunday, I decided to take off my splint, after taking a look at the LARGE medical bill from my orthopedist. I was so upset at how much they had charged, and really done nothing for me. I guess I am paying him for monitoring my broken finger? I just don’t see why a nurse practitioner or PA couldn’t have taken care of me. So, I decided to do my own rehabilitation. It’s been good so far, except yesterday when I tried to carry a large bag of garden soil. I shouldn’t have done that. I still wear my splint at night, at least for a week or so, because I don’t trust myself while I’m sleeping. I could really hurt myself.

It just feels like the world is against me. It feels like every path I’m trying to take leads to a dead-end. It makes me feel like quitting. For school, I have to submit a proposal for my Master’s project. I thought I had it all ready to go but then found out that what I wanted to study had already been done. So, it’s back to the drawing board.

I think a lot of it is just over-doing it. I am doing a lot! I have been through a lot, dealing with a broken finger and five weeks of not using my right hand. I guess it just got me off track. The hard part now is that I still can’t use my hand normally.

I’m sure something will get me back on track. I’ve been praying but just not hard enough I guess. God, can you hear me? Maybe I have too much of my own self-interest in mind… I don’t know.

Hopefully the next post will be something positive. Things will get better, right?

Tomorrow morning I get my (hopefully) last set of xrays on my right hand. Hopefully they will tell me I can take my splint off!

As I’ve lived life lately with one hand, my left one at that, I’ve realized a few things - some things aren’t that hard to do but others are extremely difficult and frustrating. Here’s my list for each category, some of which I found surprising:

Easiest Things to Do:
Eat with a Fork
Drive
Type notes in class
Water plants outside

Hardest Things to Do:
Get dressed
Remove staples from a stack of paper
Sign my name
Put on my seat belt
Walk a dog
Do any other yardwork besides watering plants
Wash my hair thoroughly and DO my hair (very frustrating!)

With that said, I am looking forward to being able to use my right hand again!