My Adventures in Writing

Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of the passing of my father-in-law. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday, when we were all gathered in that hospital room watching him fade away but other times it feels like a distant memory. Sometimes it feels like he’s gone on a long vacation yet to return. But we know his fate and know he’s really physically gone. Yet, his legacy live on - he left us an example of how a human being should live - humbly, caring for others more than himself, helping above and beyond, faithful in everything he did, content and thankful for everything he had and enjoying the wonderful life God had given him.

I was reminded of his absence from several messages I received yesterday expressing words of comfort for our loss. I say our loss but I don’t always feel it’s right to say I’m a part of “our” when I only knew him for 3 years. But it is my loss because a part of my husband died 2 short years ago.

I don’t know what to say to my family so I say nothing. I just don’t think there are words to express my feelings or make them feel better. I wish someone would give me the perfect book on how to make someone feel better who is missing a loved one who has passed away. What do I say? How do I act? I don’t want to ignore their feelings or act like it’s nothing. I know they are feeling something very deep, very personal and very sad. It’s something I know little about and it scares me.

Other than my father-in-law, the closest person to me that I have experienced passing away was my grandmother but I was 13. I remember crying and singing “Amazing Grace” at her memorial, and then driving to Newport to spread her ashes in the ocean. I remember missing her and how sad my mom was. But I don’t think I miss her everyday like I know my husband misses his father. That’s what scares me; the thought of my heart breaking and aching if someone close to me should die. I can’t imagine my life without my mom - who would I talk to when I was upset or needed advice? What if my sister died - who would I do silly things with and laugh about childhood memories with? I don’t even want to talk about losing my husband…

Life is so precious. Relationships are treasures. I hope and pray that when we get to heaven those relationships we’ve made here are something we can continue for eternity.