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Don’t Hold Back

Today I felt a feeling of freedom as I drove away from one chapter of my life. Until I felt this freedom, I hadn’t know I was holding something back. It was a moment of clarity. With any change or major decision comes a moment of questioning – did I make the right choice? No matter the number of prayers or hours I have spent thinking through my choices, I tend to question my decisions; that is until I have a moment of clarity when I know that it is right.

I’m so glad that I have my faith and trust in someone greater than me who knows all. It’s freeing to know that there is already a plan for life, that the book or page of my life is written by an amazing author. God already knows what choices I will make, good or bad. I just have to have the confidence and trust to know that it everything I do, I make the best choice for me.

Today I know that my choice to change jobs is right. It’s right for me, my family and my values. Lately I have felt lost, without direction and drive in my work. Although I had an amazing job, working with an amazing team, I felt that there was something missing. I felt that I could not be my authentic self all the time; I could not do the best work that I know I am capable of doing. I was held/holding something back. Oppression is too strong of a word but perhaps more suppression. Although I know I always have a choice to speak up for myself, sometimes the situation and the actors conflict with my personality and I hold myself back. My only regret is that I do not fight or stay to fight but rather I choose to honor my gifts and share them with those who will also appreciate and honor me. Rather than waste my precious time proving myself and my worth, it’s time I share just exactly what I can do with those are more open and appreciative to what I have to offer. I will not hold back.

I hope that anyone else who is like me, those who feel that another or others have put them in a position that holds them back or that they feel they have to hold back will realize that they are worth it; you don’t have to prove it to anyone. Rather than stay and try to prove yourself to someone who may never see you or your worth, find someone who will appreciate you for you. Do what makes you happy. Find that thing that makes you light up when you talk. Today I saw this in someone else – when talking about something he loves to do, the passion lit in his eyes and I could feel that he was not holding back. In my head, I was thinking, “this is awesome! keep going!” but the time was up and the conversation ended. It was so powerful to see how passionate someone can be when talking about doing something they love – something that motivates them to do better for others and in turn, they better themselves. It’s that reward we all seek in our work. It was fascinating to watch and I felt so touched to see this person not holding back.

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