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Turning 35

Today I turned 35. I remember when I turned 30 and had a mini meltdown at work, feeling lost and thinking I’d never have a family of my own. I remember last year, wishing that I could be pregnant and feeling so down about not being a mom yet. Last year, I wouldn’t have guessed that I’d have a beautiful daughter before I turned 35. I remember praying and hoping that I’d have a child before I turned 35, and it happened. Today, I cherish my gift. Each year I will remember my wish from the past and treasure my daughter. She is more than I could ever wish for. So perfect, beautiful, soft and sweet. Of course we have our moments but one smile wipes away all the stress and worry.

I already feel like I miss her or that I’m going to miss her. Going back to work in a few short weeks is going to be tough. I know it will take time. I am trying to enjoy our time together now and not worry about the future but I do already miss her. I shed a tear today thinking about how hard it’s going to be, to be away from her. But it will just make me cherish our time together more. I know that this is how it has to be. Last year, I’m not sure I could have guessed how hard it would be to face work. I do like to work and be busy but it’s all different now. I have different priorities. Now I will work to ensure that we can enjoy our time together worry-free, invest in our future and take fun trips together.

Now that I’m a mother, I have to compartmentalize my work at my job and my work as a mom. Never before have I had to separate home and work so much. But I feel that to be successful at work this will need to be the case. Of course I will be talking about her all the time with my co-workers but in order to get anything done there, I will need to focus on that part of me. It’s like I lead two lives: one as a career woman and another as a mom. This will be a new challenge for me.